my life is a soundtrack

MEET THE WHIMPSTER: THE MANIPULATIVE ASSHOLE IN SENSITIVE CLOTHING

i read this article in a magazine almost a year ago and i couldn't stop from laughing out loud and immediately calling my best friend to read it to her.

ladies beware--if you are meeting guys on Friendster. (i had the misfortune of fallng for one of these characters!? HA!)

**If you like the quiz...check out the article...it's a classic.


Is Your Man a Whimpster?
As you know by now, whimpsters are deceptive and manipulative, hiding their intentions behind a pair of Descendents frames. With this quiz, you can move past those mumbled emo lyrics and see the truth.

1. Whenever you're over his house, you always end up listening to…
a.) Steve Miller band's greatest hits CD collection advertised on TV.
b.) The JeJune/Jimmy Eat World limited edition 7" that he taped to his iPod.
c.) Ennio Morricone soundtracks from foreign films.

2. He buys his clothing ...
a.) At the mall, with his mother buying and picking out most of the crap.
b.) At Urban Outfitters, but only after checking the label to make sure that it wasn't made in Tibet.
c.) Only online with his Banana Republic card, to get the 20% discount.

3. After you've finished having sex, he immediately says…
a.) "Gaaaah! You're so fucking hot. Man, you're so fucking hot. I'd fuck you again."
b.) "My tummy hurts from coming so hard. Did you come? Did I make you happy?"
c.) "Do you have any more Vitamin Water? I'm a bit parched and need to stretch my lats."

4. You come over to his house in need of a drink and he offers you…
a.) A shot of tequila.
b.) Pabst Blue Ribbon, Miller High Life, Rheingold...
c.) Low-carb grape vodka and an astonishing array of fruit juice mixers.

5. A quick check of his bed-side table reveals...
a.) Bed-side table? What bed-side table?
b.) A second-hand copy of Catcher in the Rye, box of Kleenex and picture of his ex-girlfriend.
c.) Kiehl's lotion and a sterling silver travel alarm clock that keeps time in Jakarta.

6. When he talks about his ex-girlfriend...
a.) It's as if he's a member of the CIA, talking in code, never revealing any names, places or details for fear of exposing an operative.
b.) He's talking about psycho-Carrie, the one who destroyed his soul and never returned his Low Christmas album.
c.) He's got brunch plans with her and her new fiancé on Sunday, which is why he can't be out too late tonight.

7. His idea of a great date is...
a.) That new million dollar movie where the dude kicks so much ass followed by jumbo slices of 'za.
b.) It's not a date. You're just hanging out and watching some Cartoon Network.
c.) Nobu, because he wants you to see the Yves St. Laurent shirt he bought from an oxcart while in Amsterdam.

8. The classic, "go to" pickup line he always uses is…
a.) "If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?"
b.) "I never ask girls out because I don't want to sound like some sexist asshole." (exasperated sigh) "I don't know how you put up with these cretins."
c.) "Did you get those Paper, Denim and Cloth jeans at the Henri Bendel sample sale? You look familiar."

The Answer Key
Give your man one point for every a.) answer, three points for every b.) answer and two points for every c.) answer. Now add them up!

8-to-13 points: Regular Guy Mandude. In the land of stereotypes, Guy Mandude is the blueprint for all hetero males, unable to wash a toilet if the Super Bowl depended on it, immune to displays of emotion and right there on the dull edge of what's hip or cool.

14-to-19: Metrosexual. This guy spends more on skincare products than you, lets you know when all the sample sales are and generally treats fashion as if it were a contact sport. Bonus: Knows what manscaping is.

20-to-24: Whimpster. Would invite you over but the only furniture he has is a sandy futon, often beat at arm wrestling by stray gusts of wind and can be seen updating his live journal during the parties he throws.

Fuckin' Hilarious!!!

posted by kristen @ 11:29:00 PM